The Boy Who Wouldn't Grow Up
Part 4
Posted by Trevor on January 7, 2009
Tags: Disneyland, Eeyore, Eisner, Harry, Jerry, Make A Wish, Peter Pan unit, Pluto, Scotty
Main Street, USA. My first set. I stopped for a second to get my bearings. There was the Emporium, and the Gazebo, and the Train Station. Across the street on the other side of the square was the Fire Station and City Hall. And up there was Walt's old apartment looking down on it all. It wasn't very crowded, so I did a little walking and waving. Just then the train pulled up and about three hundred families got off, all with kids. And they're pouring down the steps toward me going "PLUTO! PLUTO! PLUTO!" There's a lot of 'em, and it was like they'd never seen a six-foot yellow dog before. I bolted back the way I came, with the kids in hot pursuit.
I found the perfect spot right between Bank of America and the Disney Story, behind an elm tree in the shade. They gathered around me, a sea of faces thirty deep. Sign an autograph, wave, take a picture, take a picture, take a picture. Wave, wave. Sign an autograph. "Take a photo, photo, photo Pluto!" And after about fifteen minutes of this, I've calmed down enough to stop smiling for the pictures. I look over at Donald and he's waving at me. So, I wave back. No. He's pointing at something. What's he--WHAM!!!
In the back of my mind I heard Character Commandment #3: Thou shalt not retaliate.
But I looked around for the culprit. And I heard a laugh. So I grabbed for that laugh, and I got a baseball cap. Well, this kid's never gonna see this hat again. It's going in the bushes, it's going in the trees. It's going up on the train tracks. It's--the wrong kid. I looked down at him, and he's bald. I don't mean just a shaved head, I mean bald. He doesn't even have any eyebrows. He looked up at me with these big blue eyes with dark circles under them like "Why'd you take my hat?" Then I saw the shirt. A white T-shirt a couple of sizes too big for him, three words on it: MAKE-A-WISH! I started to put the hat back on his head. He laughed and said, "That's okay, Pluto. You can wear my hat."
I put the hat up on top of Pluto's top knot and it fit perfectly. Then I did something that both Harry and Jerry later told me to never do. Jerry said it wears out the knees of the costume, and Harry said it was suicide. Either way, I kneeled and got down on his level. He smiled.
"Hi Pluto, my name's Scotty. I'm gonna be 7 in a month. Wanna see what I found?"
And I said...well, I couldn't say anything. I didn't have voice clearance. So I panted. I held out my paw, and he put something into it. I couldn't feel it because Pluto's paws have these really thick pads so that when people shake your hand they can't feel the human bone structure. It was kinda hard to make it out through the dark Plexiglas of Pluto's pupil. Then I focused on the little lumpy thing. It was just a rock.
"It's a magic rock. I found it here, so it's magic." He smiled conspiratorially. I gave him back his priceless piece of asphalt that he'd picked up in the parking lot, and he hid it away in his pocket. His mother came over and said, "Pluto, I saw the little boy that kicked you in the...privates. Do you want me to get security?"
I just shrugged and then mimed writing on something, so she fished a pen out of her purse. I took off the hat and signed, "To Scotty with love from Pluto" and I made the "o" into a paw print like they had showed me how to do during my autograph training. I put the hat back on his head and he smiled, and then he reached over and scratched Pluto's head behind the ear.
"I'm going on the Peter Pan ride do you want to come?"
In the back of mind I heard Character Commandment #7: Thou shalt not ride any attractions while in costume.
I looked up at his mother.
"No honey, he can't come with us. He has to stay here with Mickey."
So he gave me a big hug and whispered in my ear, "Good bye Pluto. Don't forget my birthday!"
I could barely hear him through the fiberglass. There aren't really any ear holes. I just nodded, and I watched as Scotty and his mother and the Make-A-Wish Foundation folks disappeared down Main Street heading toward the Castle and Fantasyland. I saw Donald give the signal to come in, making the sign of a breaking stick. Then he gave three quick taps of his big duck feet, waved good-bye, turned, and walked toward the "cast members only" exit around the corner past the hat shop. Just as I signed my last autograph and started to follow him, I was suddenly accosted by a wall of twenty-seven Japanese businessmen, all wearing almost identical gray suits and brandishing Nikons. I spent the next fifteen minutes of my break trying to get backstage. First it was single portraits with each of them, then with couples and small groups, and then the big group picture, with several cameras. With each flash I kept bowing and stepping toward my exit. I turned and ran.
When I finally made it backstage I took my head off and collapsed onto a bench. I bummed a cigarette off a passing Club 33 fishnet-wearing hostess. I didn't even smoke. She just smiled knowingly and said, "Poor Pluto, rough day?" I just nodded. I had left my voice in the dog suit. The 33 was a private club and the only place you could get a drink in the park. Their costumes were a little more than G-rated, and I couldn't help but stare at the way it only partially covered her. She grinned as she lit my cigarette for me. I took a drag and grimaced. Eww! It was menthol. She tossed back her long dark hair and laughed as she headed over toward the Inn Between, the backstage canteen for cast members. She called back, "Bye puppy. I'll see you on Main Street."
I looked around me at the dirty, messy, and disheveled backstage area and thought, I'm at the Happiest Place on Earth? I saw the Seven Dwarves heads, on posts. There's Doc, Bashful, Happy, Sleepy, Sneezy, Dopey, Grumpy, and Jerry...Jerry!?! My lead! He stepped out of nowhere, and I realized I still had Pluto's head in my lap!
"Do you know what you're doin'? You're smokin' in costume. Do you want me to give you a written on your first day?"
Before I could even answer him, Harry, out of costume, stepped out from behind the bench, swiped the lit cigarette out of my hand and said, "Who's smokin'? The kid? Nah, he was just holdin' it for me. I had to go take a leak. You got a problem with that, Jerry?" He grumbled up at him and took a long drag, blowing three small smoke rings out in a vague resemblance of Mouse ears. "You remember the wishing well?" Harry growled and gave him a meaningful look.
Jerry's face went white. "Well, don't let it happen again, Mister," he said in my general direction. As if he had more important things on his mind.
"Aw, what happened, somebody pop yer little red balloon?" Harry scoffed, pointing at the limp red thing in Jerry's hand. I recognized it as the one I had tied to Eeyore.
"It's an illegal prop. I just confiscated from a member of the Pooh unit," Jerry spat.
"Classic," Harry didn't even try to hide his smirk. "Dat damn donkey cracks me up."
"It's against the rules and you know it."
"Yeah, but the kids love it."
"It's a choking hazard!"
"Only if somebody was stickin' it down yer throat," muttered Harry under his breath. I had to suppress a nervous laugh.
"Oh, by the way," sneered Jerry, "you two haven't seen the Peter Pan unit, have you?"
Neither of us had, of course, but clearly he had bigger fish to fry. He was standing on his tip toes and peering into the distance like a hall monitor who couldn't decide if he had just seen a trio of truants or not. "They were last spotted on top of the Swiss Family Treehouse. Keep an eye out." He snapped as he turned on his brightly polished black boots and marched off in search of the wayward Lost Boys.
Making an entirely inappropriate right-armed salute toward Jerry's receding back, Harry summed up his feelings in two words, "Hail, Eisner!" and proceeded to take another drag on the pilfered cigarette before grimacing and looking back at me. "Menthol? Ugh."
He tossed it into the planter box between the daisies, where it smoldered in the dirt for a while. He waddled back over to his corner of the break area bench and was down and snoring again in no time.
TO BE CONTINUED...
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